Panel of Experts
Q. My ex wife and i didnt settle our house in our divorce. She still lives there with our two children (3 and 11) I pay half the mortgage and the government pay the other half as she does not work. I also give her a lot of money through the CSA. My question is, will I have to pay towards the mortgage until my youngest child is 16? She does not want to sell the house and is refusing even to think about it, however there are lots of repairs that need doing on it which neither she or i can afford but she
also expect me to pay these as she says its half my house. I just cannot afford to pay everything???!!!! Help!!
A. This question is being answered by our Divorce Lawyer and it requires a legal perspective.
Q. Two weeks ago my husband told me he was leaving me, completely out of the blue.He is due to move out in a few weeks. He wants separate bank accounts now and I just don't feel emotionally in any position to do this and also it just sounds so final doesn't? Am I making the right decision in saying no at the present? I dont think he is the type to take all the money out for example and he at present is still saying he will be active with my two young boys, as I work shifts as a nurse and he will need to care for them. We have fixed our mortgage again for another 2 years and financially I earn more than him. Splitting our finances is just so final I think and I havent even got my head around the fact that he is just about to walk out the door. I am very aware that so many people rush into things and I just want him to slow down, for both our sakes and the kids.
A. The situation you have described is very difficult and, being recent and unexpected, I suspect is stressful for all concerned.
Taking decisions about your financial arrangements at such a time is unlikely to be sensible, and this may be a point you can make to your husband. Whether you can discuss the issue with him right now or not, I would urge you to seek advice from an appropriate professional.
I would not want to take any steps to change the ownership of family assets without the benefit of legal advice. An initial meeting with a family lawyer will give you the opportunity to find out your legal position. You can then make strong informed decisions about the way forward. Knowledge is power and it is important to know your options and the implications of taking certain steps PRIOR to putting anything in place.
There are many professionals who can help you, as well as enhance any legal and financial advice you may need – for example you do not need to go through a divorce to benefit from speaking to a divorce coach who can work with you through the emotional rollercoaster, and provide practical support. This website is a great resource, and I would be happy to recommend professionals I work alongside. A good professional can speak to you confidentially, and in my experience you will not be charged for an initial consultation.
My response to your question is necessarily vague, and I strongly urge you to not take advice from anybody who has not fully acquainted themselves with your circumstances.
In my opinion you’ve already done the most difficult thing, and that is to write out what’s on your mind, and share it with others. I hope you continue to take positive action.